California is considering "Outlawing" divorce! Seriously, like that would ever fly, let alone stop people from driving to Nevada...11:36:20 PM July 21, 2010from web
Turning the Courts on their ears… New Divorce Tactics
In a word – DVRO!
Imagine a court process so flawed, so rife with abuse, and so loose in both it’s creation and execution, that virtually anyone can get away with screwing up someones else life for at least 90 days, and in 99% of the cases, for three years, and you pretty much describe the Domestic Violence Restraining Order (DVRO). Filing a Domestic Violence Restraining Order again your ex is tantamount to tossing them under a runaway freight train. And the sad thing about the DVRO is that it is used across America daily in divorce tactics to control your ex.
Today in most counties in California, the family law courts are hearing daily Domestic Violence Restraining Order cases from all walks of life. No one is immune from the broad sweeping powers of the DVRO. Hell, in most jurisdictions they hold classes every day for new filers on how to fill out the documents, file and serve them. A day or two later and all hell breaks loose for the newly restrained person.
Designed to assist an abused or threatened spouse, the DVRO is a FILL IN THE BLANK order. This means you do not need an attorney to file one. And it is free for most litigants as well. So what is the downside? Nothing. In fact, I believe that it is time to promote a national week for the DVRO! “Restrain Your Ex” week, or “Restrain your Parent/Child/Family Member/Close relative/Distant Cousin/Fill in the blank” week… and then everyone across this great Republic can run down to their local court clerk and flood the system with DVRO filings. I am convinced that the only way to stop the abuse by the courts in handing out DVRO’s without any real thought about the consequences to the restrained person(s) is to have everyone in America RESTRAINED. That includes the idiot judges, clerks, law enforcement… EVERYONE! If you want to beat the system, then you have to do so with the laws on the books, and use the system against itself. IF the courts were suddenly overwhelmed with Domestic Violence Restraining Order filings, the legal system might have to reconsider it’s freewheeling ways with the DVRO. One can only hope.
There could be parties and celebrations all week, but of course the restrained family members would not be allowed to attend, so then there would be “Restrained Persons Parties” as well… kind of a caste system for the courts abuse. I can see the protected parties living their lives as normal as they are mentally capable of… but the restrained persons would start to hide out in underground bunkers far from any homes, schools, work locations, cars or other places they are no longer allowed to associate with as ruled in their Domestic Violence Restraining Orders.
And just think… if carefully done, the leftist anti-gun sympathizers could effectively un-arm every legal gun owner in America. The Domestic Violence Restraining Order is the single most powerful tool in the courts for taking control of someone – Physically, Mentally, Emotionally and Spiritually!
Come one Americans – have you filed your DVRO today?
Men learning from their fathers how NOT to divorce, using New Divorce Tactics.
Divorce is not new. In ancient societies, a man could divorce his wife, and she could be tossed aside or even killed. Clearly divorce was not fair nor just. Then in the 1950’s divorce started to increase, and took off during the 1960’s. Men were coming under attack during this time, women’s liberation giving moms and wives new strength through a new voice. And the courts soon began to favor women in divorce, especially mothers.
The courts actions appeared lopsided to most observers, and many a father lost not only their families and homes in a divorce, but they were heavily punished financially, to the point of extreme. And it was this extreme financial burden that created the great disconnect between fathers and mothers in divorce that even today still pervaded many family courts across America.
What I am seeing now is a new generation of men in divorce, these “sons of divorced fathers”, who watched with horror as their fathers struggled to deal with the physical, financial and emotional burden of divorce, and these men are not approaching divorce the way their fathers did. No, these men are strategically planning and manipulating their divorces long before they file. And they are filing in record numbers.
More men are filing for divorce as a percentage than before, simply because they know that if they take their time, plan their exit and make preparations to manipulate the courts, they will fare much better in the process than if they do not! Clearly men have learned the advantages of being the petitioner in a divorce, and of taking time to move assets, and all the other myriad of things one can do to prepare for a divorce BEFORE actually filing for a divorce.
So take notice husbands and wives… times are changing, and the battle lines appear to be drawn.
Taking Control of Your Divorce with new divorce tactics
A common complaint that I hear from divorce survivors is that they felt like their divorce was out of their control. Between the divorce attorneys and lawyers, the judges, the mediators, the forensic accountants and all the papers and filings, most people who go through a divorce think the system stakes advantage of them. Rarely does someone have anything good to say about a divorce.
One of the elements in your divorce that you can control is your divorce attorney. One of the best divorce tactics to win that you can use is to make sure your attorney is listening to you and doing as you request. After all, your new legal counsel is really your new “employee”, so establish who is boss early on in the relationship. And the best time for laying down the law of how your relationship will be with your divorce lawyer is right at the beginning. This is when your new “employee”/attorney will be trying hardest to impress you, to earn your trust and to get your retainer!
Simply let your attorney know up front what your expectations are in writing with regards to communications, (Phone calls, emails, etc.) billing statements, charges, copies of all of your filings, transcripts if desired, return of retainer, and does our new attorney carry Malpractice Insurance or Errors and Omissions Insurance. This may seem intrusive and challenging to your attorney, especially if their ego is an issue, but I can assure you that getting their compliance up front is much more effective than in the middle or at the end of your divorce.
If your attorney has a problem with your wishes up front, what will it be like if they take days to return your calls, brush off your emails, fail to provide copies of all of your documents and or they make costly and damaging mistakes in your divorce case? By then it is too late to establish control and expensive to fire them and hire a new attorney, who may be no better.
So, at a time when everything else in your life seems to be falling apart, do something positive for yourself, and take control of your attorney right from the start. Your relationship with them will be much more rewarding during your divorce if you do. And this one divorce tactic could save your thousands of dollars in wasted legal fees during your divorce!
You could consider this the most high profile divorce to hit the news in quite some time. Coming off of her big Oscar night, Sandra Bullock’s stock is riding high in public opinion, and with her girl-next-door looks and charm, Jesse is soon to be perhaps one of the biggest losers IF he makes any mistakes in this. So far, seems that both Sandra and Jesse are playing it cool. Not much news really, considering what it could be. She is going for a clean and simple break it appears, keeping her life as intact as possible, although clearly she loved him and considered him above what he was apparently doing behind her back.
And as for Jesse James choices in women to play with… what did you expect? Seriously. His name is Jesse James, he made it big with a motorcycle shop show, and looks like a thug even when walking the red carpet with Sandra Bullock leading the way.
I suspect that they will both come out of this relatively clean, with no kids between them and I doubt she will care what he does or does it with next! And no matter how down and dirty she probably tried to get with Jesse in private, unless she has a side that is so diametrically opposed to her public persona that we have no clue about – she was way out of her league. Jesse needs that bad girl scene still, and my guess is there may be a new reality show in it for him – “Tramp Stamp Momma’s”
Score on this one – Sandra wins, and Jesse might just right a book!
Due to popular demand, I have uploaded some videos for everyone to view and to give some tips for tactics that can and will make a difference in your divorce. More will follow, but for now, take advantage of this and be sure to leave a comment, and add me to your YouTube subscriptions!
The average divorce in America costs right at $20,000! In fact the Industry of Divorce in the United States is worth over $28 BILLION dollars a year and it is a growth industry.
The best divorce tactic you can use to maximize your outcome, and to keep as much of your hard earned money as possible while going through your divorce is to hire a divorce coach. Unlike attorneys, lawyers, paralegals, therapists and counselors, a divorce coach can give you the advice, tactics and methods you will need to employee to control your attorney or lawyer, as well as how best to use the legal system to your advantage – even when the odds may be stacked against you.
Both women and men need a divorce coach, as there are tactics that each can use against the other that will allow the coached partner to gain the upper hand in the divorce settlement, and with less money out of pocket. An ethical Divorce Coach should NOT be working with both parties of the divorce UNLESS they are engaged in Collaborative Divorce, which I will go into at a later date.
And since a divorce coach costs way less than attorneys, lawyers and therapists, often times even less than paralegals, you will maximize your impact on all of your divorce actions, and for LESS MONEY.
This one divorce tactic is perhaps your greatest tool when getting ready to divorce your spouse, or no matter where you are in the divorce process. Why pay for your attorney to walk you through the myriad of divorce forms and paperwork that is the same for all divorces, when you can get more done in less time, and for about one quarter of the cost with your divorce coach! You would not hire a brain surgeon to put a bandage on your knee, so why pay your high priced divorce lawyer to help you fill in the blanks on some universal divorce forms?
So save your money for better times, and hire a divorce coach today. You will never regret it.
Being married is wonderful, no doubt. And in a typical marriage, you will give each other gifts for holidays and special occasions, sometimes for no reason at all.
But when the marriage is over, all of a sudden that EXPENSIVE gift you gave last anniversary in an attempt to make up for some problems in the relationship now seems like a big waste of money and effort. Well, the fiduciary responsibility of the partners each to the other in a marriage is such that the court can and will count excessive gifts of the marriage as community property.
This is all based on the historical gifting level of the partners… if one of you gave more than the other, as is often the case… say the husband giving more to the wife, both in terms of quantity as well as quality (Expense), that will come into play in the courts determination of the gifts.
Lets say in your middle-class American marriage, you gave your now ex a watch as a gift. It is a nice watch… maybe $200-$400 cost. It’s theirs most likely, as a gift. If on the other hand you spent a fortune on a ROLEX, say $3,500 -$10,000, your entire years bonus from work! Well, that most likely is considered by the court as Community Property.
If on the other hand you were in a High Net Worth Marriage, that same Rolex is most likely going to remain with your ex as a GIFT. The Yacht however is another story!
Just remember, normal and non-excessive gifts stay with the ex… Excessive and Over the Top gifts can be reverted back to community property and be split in the property settlement phase of your divorce. If you are the giver of the gifts, use this Divorce Tactic to maximize your return on the community property settlement, and if you are the recipient of these gifts, be prepared to buy back your half in their value if you wish to keep it.
Michael Thomas
Bay Area Divorce Coach
and Author
800-635-2493
Family Law courts are overwhelmed. Divorce is on the rise and the economy is not showing any signs of a meaningful recovery.
If your desire is to hold off your divorce, to stall and put pressures on your ex other than those already overwhelming them, one of the best tactics to use is to drag your feet on discovery. If you are asked to produce documents, check registers, tax records, or whatever, take your time. In fact, produce no more than half of what is ordered or requested on the first request no matter what. By the time the second request or order comes it will be a month or two later, and then only produce half to three quarters of what is asked for. Remember to explain why you could not get everything together – you had a lot of work lately, your fighting depression, perhaps had an accident or maybe even your kids are struggling. Or you had to move and or store everything and you cannot find it now.
I have seen these tactics used to great advantage of one of the parties over the other, dragged on for almost three years. And while the courts and judges talk about sanctions, for the most part they are impotent to enforce a sanction in a divorce. While there is case law and plenty of Family Law Code to allow for sanctions, nearly all courts and judges have decided to play the wait and see game when it comes to divorce.
So, if you want to frustrate your ex into submission, simply act dumb when the court asks for documents… it works all the time.
If this post seems like a rant… it is! Get over it. But there is a lesson in this and good advice for those of you who have a litigious ex, or perhaps you want to become a litigious ex.
Several days ago I spent half of the day in court with a client I coach, defending against an erroneous TRO request. I won’t go into details on this as to protect the parties, but what I will share with you is the court experience itself and the problems as I see them.
For starters, the Domestic Violence Restraining Order (DVRO) and/or Temporary Restraining Order (TRO) are fraught with problems. In an effort to save everyone from everything deemed harmful by some unknown person or persons in some deep dark cave somewhere hidden from daylight, we have a fill-in-the-blank set of forms that almost anyone can fill out with little assistance. That actually needs qualification, since what was supposed to be an empowering do-it-yourself-legal-system-entry set of forms is actually more difficult to maneuver through, especially for those not born in this country who do not speak the ENGLISH language! Hey, I am not demeaning anyone, just wish those who live here with us in America were at least trying to be Americans, speaking English. In fact, one of the reasons I do not live in Mexico is because I know just enough Spanish to get me arrested in Tijuana!
So now we have taxpayer supported Free Clinics as outreach to help everyone fill in the blanks on their Do-it-yourself DVRO/TRO forms.
On this particular day, right here in San Mateo County, in Redwood City, CA, on the 2:00 PM Calendar, there were no less than 23 cases being dispatched of. All but two of those cases were filed by non-English speaking individuals, and most were pro-per, meaning they had no attorneys. In most if not all of the courts I have visited in my 26+ years of Divorce Coaching, I have always appreciated the courtesy afforded lawyers in the courts of this great state. Regardless of the docket list, the judge will call the cases first that have attorneys present. This serves two purposes… speeds up the case dispositions as lawyers usually know what they are doing, and saves the litigants undue financial burden in not holding their attorneys sitting around on the clock at $250-$500/hour.
In fact, I have overheard unrepresented parties whisper they would hire an attorney just to be able to go first and get the hell out of the courtroom!
On this particular day in this courtroom, the judge did NOT call the cases with attorneys first. And I cannot understand why. My client had to sit through nearly three hours of insanity as the judge weeded through case after case, interpreter rambling along saying everything twice, as the dollars bled out of her pores! As if that were not enough, this judge, who has in my humble opinion, been doing this job way too long, is a pontificating wind bag, who feels the need to do some free therapy from the bench, as if she were qualified.
When my clients case was finally called, her two lawyers did their best to move things along, however their professionalism and courtroom etiquette were lost on this judge and the pro-per petitioner (An unstable Narcissist), who appears to be close to “self-explosion by way of outrage” any day now!
After the case was set for a hearing in 6 weeks, the temporary order was extended. And because this court is staffed with a covey of “volunteers” (I can only assume this as no one in there right mind would actually PAY for these services, but I may be wrong given California’s budget woes), we waited for a copy of the stipulated temp orders and were shocked when they were handed over with numerous errors, the least of which was the attachment of documents not even of this action! I kid you not…
Suffice it to say that the current order my client has is most likely unenforceable, as the confusion it would create in the warped mind of a law enforcement officer would be catastrophic for all involved. And who do we have to blame for this fiasco, I ask you? My take on this is that the Judge is up for some retraining at the very least, perhaps the court should review its policy and procedures, and re-read the California Code of Judicial Ethics. And then who pays for the time and effort to correct this mistake? Does my client, who did nothing wrong and took the time (Read Spent the Money) to hire a really good attorney? If she wants justice in this matter, I guess that is her only option. Sure seems like a counter-productive waste of time… but hey, it’s court remember…
With the proverbial rubber stamp of approval approach to issuing these orders, I think we should start a movement – Restraining OrdersFor EVERYONE! Use the system to break down the system. I will keep you posted on my new movement… ROFE!!!
I have been working with a client lately who is dealing with an issue at CPS. I am aware of the awesome and complete power granted the staff of this agency, and I fear no government agency more.
In recent conversations with friends and colleagues, I was explaining my analogy for the model of parenting as we have witnessed on numerous occasions from the early outdoor shows like Mutual of Omaha’s “Wild Kingdom” up the present Discovery Channels and Science Channels that populate the cables – A bear and it’s cubs.
Hear me out… everyone who watches a bear with it’s cubs knows that you do not mess with the bear. And God help you if you get around the cubs. Watch this parent defending it’s offspring, with violence, anger and raw fury and everyone understands it’s drive nd motivation, compliments the bear for being a good parent, and life is good in the wilds of the world.
But let a human parent show the same determination and ferocious raw fury fighting against the well oiled machine of Cops, CPS workers, Counsellors, Attorney’s and Judges in trying to save their child from the system, and that parent is labeled a “problem”, “…out of control” and “…passive aggressive with an inability to handle their anger”.
It is sad that the silent system of taking children from parents in America is paid for by tax dollars, and while no one wants to see an abused child, I would choose to let hundreds go unprotected rather than see one innocent parent lose their child to the insanity that is CPS.
